‘I set up a suicide prevention charity to stop other families from suffering like us’

In 1997, Jean Kerr formed the charity PAPYRUS Prevention of Young Suicide after her son, Edward, took his own life. Here, she shares her story and explains why it’s crucial that we keep raising funds to help those in crisis – and what you can do to help.

‘When Edward died, it came as a complete and utter shock to me and our whole family. It was November 1989 and he showed no signs of depression or anxiety – he was 17 and seemed to be happy.

For a lot of people, suicide seems out of the blue for the family and friends affected by it. Unfortunately, most people who die from it are not known to mental health services.

Edward was a joy to us. He was kind, caring, wise beyond his years and academically gifted with a brilliant future ahead of him. He was thoughtful, too – whenever it was someone’s birthday, he’d make a cake for them. It’s these memories of him that I’ve cherished in the 30 odd years since his passing.

After his death, my husband and I didn’t really know what to do with ourselves. When we battled through the initial shock, we felt that we needed some support so we ended up contacting a group for bereaved parents called Compassionate Friends. 

We were comforted by the fact that we met other parents who had lost children in many different ways – some from suicide. But it was then that I realised I couldn’t see any charities specifically addressing suicide in young people.

I just had so many questions that needed answering about how to prevent this from happening to any other parents like us. How could we make use of this to prevent other families going through the same thing? What could we learn from it?

So, I started writing to health organisations because there was nothing – as far as I knew – that used the experiences of friends and family to help raise awareness of the issue.

I attended suicide prevention conferences, made contact with my NHS Trust and through them, I was asked into meetings with the Department of Health. Eventually, I was invited to speak at conferences and became a leading voice on youth suicide.

It became the thing that I wanted to do because I realised that my own experience and the experience of others can be the key to opening up conversations. I wanted to pass this knowledge on in the hope that it could prevent it from happening to other families.

Suddenly, I realised people started to listen to me and I was beginning to make some real change. But I really felt like a lone voice and I couldn’t keep doing it all by myself.

While giving talks, I would meet other parents affected by suicide and we were eventually galvanised to come up with the idea of PAPYRUS, the Parents’ Association for the Prevention of Young Suicide, because we believed parents have a unique perspective.

In March 1997 – eight years after my son’s death – it became a reality.

In those early days, we were meeting at our home and only had about £10 each between the seven of us. We set out trying to find other parents to join us and help share their stories.

Just by saying the word ‘suicide’ and refusing to hide it is so powerful. When people affected by it speak out, it can be such a powerful tool to cut through to others.

I was the chair of the charity for the first four years since its inception and – after eight years of activism before that – I decided to take a step back and place the charity in the safe hands of a fellow mother whose child had taken their own life, Anne Parry. Anne would go on to set up HOPELINEUK.

The charity felt like my child, in the sense that I nurtured it in those early years and then it found its own feet and has gone forward without me. I had helped start those conversations but it was time for others to come in and help the charity grow.

As time has gone on, professionals within the field came on board. Today, almost 25 years on, PAPYRUS is still going strong and has become a lifeline to so many across the UK.

That includes a dedicated helpline that provides confidential support and advice to young people struggling with thoughts of suicide, as well as training programmes to individuals, groups, local councils, healthcare professionals and school staff.

We’ve also been a long-standing member of the government advisory groups in England and Wales on suicide prevention matters

We will never know exactly how many people we have saved – but it’s never been about quantifying numbers. The things we hold on to are the stories and feedback we’ve had over the years.

From people who were spurred into volunteering with the charity after calling our helpline during their most vulnerable moments, to a young student watching a video of ours during a school presentation and then going up to one of our workers and asking for help because she saw the warning signs in herself. 

Intervention is so important. A few years ago, a woman called our charity after her child had been taken from her and she was in a deep depression.

On the phone, she said she had nothing to live for, so after spotting some red flags, we alerted emergency services. Thankfully, by the time they got there, she was in a position to answer the door.

A few months later, the woman called us again and said that that phone call saved her life. She was still finding life really tough, but she was alive – and she was thankful.

If only my son Edward had the same opportunity to be saved.

Our core belief is this – many young suicides are preventable. It is inevitable that young people will find life really challenging sometimes. We certainly can’t prevent that, but we can counter that with hope and conversation.

I’m so thankful that Metro.co.uk has decided to partner with PAPYRUS for their Lifeline challenge this year, which will see an adventurous group of people climb Scafell Pike at night, so they can help raise cash and awareness for us. 

The money raised will go to more phone calls, more emails, more training sessions and more campaign work to save lives. Every pound and step taken on this challenge is important and every effort is appreciated.

The health benefits – both physical and mental – of doing the event itself will no doubt be a huge motivating factor for many. But if it raises awareness to people that there’s help and resources available, that’s invaluable.

The need for our work will sadly never end, but if we can save just one life, then we’ll know we’ve made a positive change.

Edward would’ve been 50 years old this year. You never recover from the loss and he will always be missed.

At first, it was my whole life that was devastated. As time has gone on, I’ve learnt to walk beside this tragedy – knowing that at least some good has come from it is great comfort.

Suicide can affect anyone and we often don’t know where or when. If you’re struggling, contact our helpline or if you’re worried about someone else, talk to the person you’re concerned about. Ask them to write it down, if they can’t speak.

Taking your own life is not the only option – help and hope is always available. Don’t suffer in silence.’

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